Doubts

So, things have changed a little since my last blog entry. Recently I received a call about the job position that I had interviewed for and was told that one of the people vying for the job dropped his name from the running and I was next in line. Of course I was thrilled and was told that if I could, to attend a doctors physical that afternoon. Of course I said...and then was told I'd have to pay out of pocket for it. Um, why am I paying for healthcare then? So, I was like, 'ok, gotta do what I gotta do' and went ahead and paid a ridiculous amount of money for what I coulda had my doc do for just a simple co-pay.

Well, now zip forward a couple weeks to the present day where I have a physical agility test which I'm now finding I have to pay for once again, out of pocket. And on top of it, I'm being told that I cannot take a training day for it and have to burn two vacation days. Sure, people tell me it'll be worth it in the long run, but if I'm having doubts about it now, what's to say I won't have these doubts down the road? Oh, did I mention, that basically I just get on this list to be hired even though I won't be hired for several years down the road, probably when I'm close to 40? I got a lot weighing on me right now and just not sure what I wanna do anymore. :(